


Baby, It's Cold Outside

by thenewyorkavocados



Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Christmas Eve, Coffee Daydreams, Domestic feelings, Feelings Realization, Friendship/Love, Hospitalization, M/M, Major Character Injury, Mild Blood, Mistletoe, Mixed feelings, New York Rangers, One-Sided Attraction, Recreational Drug Use, Winter Classic, everyone beside chris and mika are super minor, kevin hayes is their w e e d guy. you didnt need me to tell you that
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-29
Updated: 2019-12-29
Packaged: 2021-02-26 03:36:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,408
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22010350
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thenewyorkavocados/pseuds/thenewyorkavocados
Summary: Mika liked to think they had gotten close enough that he could pick up on if something was wrong.As Mika passes by the glass door and sees Chris taking a pass of whatever Kevin's smoking; something is definitely wrong.
Relationships: Chris Kreider/Mika Zibanejad
Comments: 2
Kudos: 18





	Baby, It's Cold Outside

**Author's Note:**

> i hate having to say this, but if this is a fic about You, any of your Teammates, or you have a personal relationship with any of the parties involved: please don't read this.
> 
> ~two years ago exactly, we all found out that chris kreider was going to be out indefinitely with a blood clot. and idk about yall but i was devastated??  
like seriously. i had gone to the outdoor practice in central park, was ridiculously excited for the outdoor game at citi field, and boom. this hit like a ton of bricks.  
it was honestly the true of the end of the championship window, or atleast when alot of us realized it. tragic! 
> 
> anyways.  
two years later, and the rangers are fun all over again, thank god. chris and mika are besties, and instead of chris' health i'm worried about it's his contract. it was fun to think about the road they went down to becoming so close though.

The night was crisp, a perfectly freezing Christmas Eve. The snow falling gently over the shimmering skyline was really like a dream. It didnt surprise anyone that Henrik Lundqvist could afford a penthouse like this, plopped right in the middle of SoHo. 

"It's like God himself came to Henke before it was built, asked him if it was good first, and then it was magically for sale as soon as he stepped foot in to city." Zucc said to him once.  
He didn't really understand the full meaning of that- until he saw the view. Even with the flurries clouding the sky, it was jaw dropping. It was familiar in a movie sense, like Tom Cruise was standing around here an hour ago. In reality, it was scattered with hockey players, stupid enough to be hanging out outside in below freezing weather.

It was a quiet night from Chris, although that was becoming the case more than usual. There were a lot of guys who'd known him for his entire career, so friendship-wise there was alot to live up to. Kreids could complain about a million little things jokingly, and with devastating snark and accuracy. They were barely even chirps, stated so matter-of-factually it blurred the idea of what actually bothered him or not. Away from the rink when Chris and Mika talked, it mostly wasn't about hockey. It was about what they liked to do in the away cities, or what music one was about to put on the aux cord. 

Chris was fun, easy to feel fond about. Mika liked to think they had gotten close enough that he could pick up on if something was wrong. As Mika passes by the glass door and sees Chris taking a pass of whatever Kevin's smoking; something is definitely wrong.

Mika couldn't help rubbing his hands and pulling his jacket a little tighter. He shuffled his way toward a group of the guys, even the outdoor part of the house was huge. The scene was scattered with the few bracing the cold, even through the protection from the wind by perfectly manicured shrubs, because of course. Everyone else had that thorough alcohol warm glow about them, but Mika wasn't going to take shit for under dressing.

Leaning over the back of the couch, poised perfectly in the middle of a few of the guys like some sort of Renaissance painting, was Chris. Mika takes in that sight too, before Kevin yells his name too loudly and way off key, so everyone turns to stare. Jimmy busts into laughter at the sheer awkwardness, crumpling into Haysie's lap.

"Yeah, uhhh.." Mika takes note of his ears burning, rolling his eyes at the feeling. "Hi guys."

Chris feigned a smile and met Mika's gaze. The conversation resumes, now plus one with Mika even more disengaged.

"I'm telling you, this kid is more likely to get all his teeth knocked out again before he gets a second date. Its unbelievable.", Brady spoke sloppily.

The chorus of 'shut up's, laughter and other chirps is second to the subtlety of movement in Chris' face when he realizes. Mika is staring. 

It takes a second before Kreids straightens out from the couch and motions with his head for Mika to follow. The guys, thankfully, are too busy giving Ves shit to notice.  
The city radiated against Chris' figure, a lone shadow against the hazy lights. As calmly as he can, Mika made his way over. At edge, a 4 foot pane of glass the only thing holding them from a 20 story drop. Nerve wracking, but cool.

Mika stopped in front of Chris, taking a minute to look him up and down. The must of weed hit like a wave, which was new. It shouldn't have caught Mika off guard, but the smell reminded him more of walking to the bodega late at night than of him. Chris was still staring out at the street below, knuckles red from the chill. He wasn't even wearing a hat, the snow was wicking gently through his wavy hair.

"What's up man?"

Chris nods, coughing stiffly into his elbow and wiping his mouth.  
You wouldn't think anything was wrong with Kreids on a basic level, he was a little pale but they all were during the winter. That, and the fact that Mika's greeting is met with oblivious silence, beyond nodding again.

"So much to say all the time, but I come over and you've got nothin huh?" It's floated as a joke, but his energy deflates even more in processing it.

"Not to alarm you," Chris says flatly between eyeballing the blunt and taking another hit. "But I think I'm dying."  
He blew the smoke up into the night sky, gentle snow and the warmth of his breath intertwining. 

"You're really kind of an asshole with this existential shit Kreids." Mika jaunted an elbow his way, getting a wince in response.  
Even through half lidded eyes, if looks could kill Mika would be dead.

"I wanted to know if you were okay." he followed up meekly.

Chris gives the one sec hand sign, and makes his way back to the couch.

After thanking Kevin again, Kreids hands the joint back. He says something that gets them all to crack up again, Jimmy a different shade of red as he stormed toward the door. Chris turned on his heel toward Mika, and squeezed the bridge of his nose tensely.  
Mentally, Mika went through the checklist of what could be wrong. He wasn't limping, he wasn't unbelievably high as far as Mika could tell. It could just be soreness, everyone was just sick, maybe it was a migraine? He probably would've said something by now, its not like Chris was ever quiet, or he would've at least seen the doctors if it was serious. The rolodex kept going as Mika scanned the man walking toward him again. For Mika, it wasn't hard to overthink this, the others out on the terrace easily fading out of focus.

Clearing his throat, Mika stared out at the skyline again and put a hand on the scathingly cold railing.

"I'm gonna take it that you're not fucking with me." 

Chris' full attention was drawn forward with the pointed inflection, he owed Mika that much. They stared at each other, looking for something that wasn't coming in the silence.

"Yeah," Chris' brain runs at a mile a minute, but he couldn't get another word out. Palming the back of his head, the tension was becoming palpable. Chris furrowed his eyebrows, looking for an out, but Mika wouldn't break.

"I can't do anything for you like this. You help me help you." 

"Well what do you want me to say?" Chris replies impatiently.

Mika's expression sours, but doesn't say a word.

Trying to take a deep breath, Chris physically recoils when he realized it was too far for his lungs to take. He hissed out the rest, closing his eyes and slumping his side against the railing. The grimace he's sporting comes unbeknownst to him. He only realizes when he consciously has to unclench his jaw as Mika's hand comes to cup his face.

"You shouldn't be out here." Mika speaks with as much sincerity as Chris ever heard from him. "What the fuck, man?"  
Its under his breath, despite Kevin and JT somehow being the only others left. Chris lets his expression go blank, raising his hand to Mika's wrist to gently lower it back down.

"Yeah, I know.. Fuck, do I know." He trails off, not letting go of the cold hand that snapped him back into reality. Thumb tracing circles against the faint feeling of veins. It must've been cathartic somehow, Chris breaking into a shallow hum. All Mika could do was watch.  
It takes the slight pull back of Mika's wrist and a brisk gust to pass before Chris realizes it was getting weird. Oops.  
Mika frowns, giving way for Chris to realize that his entire face was red.

"Shit, sorry I.."

"You know what?" Mika looks up and cuts in before Chris has time to compose a response. It's still starkly quiet compared to the ambient noise. "Don't tell me not to worry about it. You have a huge streak of blood across the back of your hand too Kreids. Can we please go inside?" 

Chris let go, turning his palm over and realizing that Mika was completely right. He took both hands and covered his face, rubbing it tiredly. Watching carefully, Mika tried to connect the dots in his mind and worried at his lip.  
He looked over to see who was still outside, and most of the guys had opted to go in. The snow seemingly tripled in the time they'd been out here. 

"Chris." It's clear as day, as Mika leans in to give his hip a reassuring squeeze. Uncovering his eyes, the concerned pair staring back was enough for Chris to start himself in the direction of the door.

The step back into the party is like an assault to their senses. Chris takes Mika's hand in his, leading the way through the party. The lights were dimmed almost too much, Christmas decorations were placed around a shit ton of chrome accent pieces, and the music was blaring. It felt inappropriately cheerful for Mika at the moment, passing Grabs entertaining the a conversation with the D core about if Die Hard is a Christmas movie.

It wasn't far from the door to where they needed to go, but navigating the people was another thing. Luckily, Hank and Mats are the only ones who really notice them enough to chirp. Mika receives a hearty wolf whistle, and he cant even be bothered to turn and see which one it is. He swears something sloppily in Swedish, and Hank laughs as they scurry along.

Secluded from the rest of the party, Mika is dragged down a hallway, apparently also leading to a guest bathroom. Mika had gone into one of the smaller bathrooms earlier, mood lit with candles and perfectly manicured like a hotel. There might as well have been a butler standing inside waiting for tips.

The door is perfectly wood carved, and ornately labelled 'Bathroom' with an engraved metal plate on the wall. Unbelievable, but he trusts Chris' instincts. As soon Mika starts oggling the decor, Chris let his hand go and ducks behind the door first to slam it behind him.

The music muffles what Mika can hear, but it sounds like he practically explodes. Mika reasons its better to not barge in and see something he's gonna regret. He paces idly, almost sick in anticipation for a few minutes when the door unlocks. Immediately Mika's struck with silent panic. The sight of the room, contrasted Chris crumpling back over the counter top trembling and heaving, was a lot to take in. The water was still running, failing to wash away the few crimson spots in the minimalist sink.

Mika searches Chris for a cut where the blood might have come from, but there didn't seem to be anything, he wasn't holding any body part in particular. Chris' hands lay flat with his forearms as he hunched over the counter. Raising his head up, his bleary eyes to meet Mika's in the mirror. Chris barely croaks out 'im fine'.

Half of him wants to call a fucking ambulance, the other half thinks surely it cant be that bad. Chris knows better, than to do something stupid to himself, right? He shook his head and pressed the door shut again. Nothing was certain, except the fact that Chris needed help. His help.

Grabbing a way-too-expensive washcloth and running it under the water, Mika presses it gently to the exposed skin at Chris nape. 

"This is why you shouldn't trust what Kev brings in all the time, huh?" Mika provided this softly, hoping to get a half-hearted laugh, or at least not make it worse.  
A quick glance finds Chris' coat and scarf in a lump on the far end of the bathroom. It was on a matte black sculpted towel rack, which matched the rest of the accents scarily well. Staying calm apparently meant utilizing his HGTV eye in his friends home.

A noise of disbelief emerges from the erratic breaths. Chris, taking the small towel from his neck, props himself up to lean on his biceps and covers his face with it. Only then Mika put two and two together- He was crying. 

It was like watching a car crash in real time. He had no idea what to do.

Chris coughed again harshly, burying his head in his elbow. The attempt to stifle it pales in comparison to the way his body seized up, practically screaming in pain itself. The washcloth emerges with more flecks of blood.

"Chris.." Mika's voice cuts through the ringing in his ears, followed by the two hands planted square on his shoulders. "You are not okay. I mean it. I should really take you home."

He squeezes Chris' shoulders in reassurance.

"Whatever this is, its.." Killing you, he thinks. He cant bring himself to say it out loud. "It's bad."

Chris reaches his hand up, clutching for Mika's hand to hold. They stay like that for a second until he lets go, and wills himself to his feet. Standing face to face, Chris cant muster whatever he has to make eye contact. Instead, he takes a step forward and flops in for a hug. Unconditionally, Mika allows him that.

He gently rubs Chris' back, feeling his shaky sigh deep in the chest pressed against his own.

"I'm sorry." The voice Chris uses is wrecked, scratchy and the smell of weed emanating slightly. "We can talk about this later, I'll explain. It's not because I'm high either, its just.. I'm just.. my body is fucked up."

It takes a minute for Mika to let the reality of the situation come together.  
He had no idea what 'fucked up' was supposed to mean. But this was desperate.

For all the times they've hugged before, this wasn't playful or coy or even airing on the side of awkward. The scramble for the right words felt so raw, it was more scared than reassuring. He could feel Chris' heart blaring in his chest.

They stand together like that for a bit, Mika closing his eyes as he rhythmically traces figure eights into Chris' back. A sniffle and long sigh later, Chris straightens his breathing out and lets go. The bags under his eyes are dramatic, and Mika feels that in his heart.

Pulling back, he pivots to turn for his coat, not without muttering something under his breath. Mika reaches for his wrist, and Chris stops dead in his tracks on contact.

"Your keys, man. You're not driving."

Digging into a pocket, Chris obliges and places the keys directly into Mika's hand. Clammy, but Mika smiled at the tender gesture. 

"I'll meet you out there." Then Chris was gone, leaving Mika swept up in the moment, to clean up the bathroom to a reasonable state. Damn it.

Chris must as swift an exit as he can, as by the time Mika's out he is nowhere to be found. Mika gathers his things and thanks Henrik for the night.

"I'm gonna take Kreids home, got himself into a little too much tonight."  
The laugh from Hank and Mats is like a chorus. The look he gets from Zucc oozes of smugness and somehow, understanding? He didn't even want to know right now. Henrik and Mats swap a look and mercifully, let it slide.

Mika says his goodbyes to the rest en masse, and finds his way toward the front door. The penthouse was huge, literally having to ask directions on the way out. The crowd was thinning out anyway, Mac was always the first, and he had left over an hour ago.

11:42, his phone blinks.

Chris was leaned against the wall in the elevator, holding it open as Mika stepped through. This was better than getting in a suspicious taxi like when he came to the party, is what Mika reasoned to himself. Beyond that, the upsides of leaving this way were slim. They both watched the number on the door tick down to 1 in silence, breathing filling the space between them.

"Cmon." Mika led Chris out, thanking the doorman and praying not to get a dirty look when he took Chris' arm in his.

They walked through the slushy snow the short distance to the parking garage. The full body shiver that came over Chris made Mika's hair stand on end. Mika hit the alarm to find which one was Chris', which turned out to be a terrible idea.

"Fuck, please Mika.", he whimpered, turning into Mika's shoulder.  
It didn't even occur to Mika how loud it was going to be, especially for Chris who wasn't alright to begin with. He flicked off the alarm, scrambling to find the right button in the darkness.

"Sorry."

When they get in the car, Mika wants to unload all of his questions at once. Most of which begin and end with, what the fuck? He thinks better of it, but by the time Mika has Chris' address loaded up on his phone, he is dead asleep in the passenger seat. 

Mika cant help but laugh a little at the scene, Chris delicately cradled against the seat belt and his coat.  
They spend a moment like that, comfortably silent as Mika stared at the way his hands rested on the wheel. Chris was the most comfortable he had seemed all night, putting his self described "power napper" label to work.

Mika lets his thoughts wander to Starbucks, their Starbucks. The one where the baristas knew Chris and Mika personally at this point, as a unit. Once a week when they were in town, they stopped by on their way to Westchester for practice. The way Chris went entirely out of his way to concoct the most ridiculous order that had anything other than a coffee, how it made Mika crack up every time. Even the baristas were starting to anticipate the orders, the younger girls cracking up at the strange combination of snacks and mystery drinks. It was the little things, like how a piece of cookie or other snack always ended up with Mika during the drive. 

The little things lately, didn't add up. Between being on the road, how quiet Chris had been trying to be, and Chris insisting on driving himself to practice the past few weeks for "fuel economy" or family in town, there wasn't that much to add up in the first place Mika put it on the back burner. Maybe that was just him, getting too comfortable. Kreids didn't seem to mind the space, so Mika tried not to either. Whatever.

He shook his head and turned the radio on. The Christmas station must have been the last thing Chris had on, as 'Baby Its Cold Outside' flowed through the stereo. Mika blushed at the coincidence, turning it down low and pulling the car out of the spot.

Mika nearly rear ends a hydrant when Chris breaks into a coughing fit while he's parking. It was guttural, completely painful even to listen to. Mika's head snapped to Chris, hacking and wheezing in the dry air. Mika's next instinct is to freeze, having no clue what to do, until he rolls down the passenger window to try and help. It must do something, Chris settling his hands on the dashboard and hanging his head to catch his breath. In earnest, it scared the shit out of Mika.

He let go of the grip he didn't realize he had on the wheel, and slowly slid his hand over to Chris' back. He stiffened out at that, still trying to compose himself.

"Ohfuckme," is the first thing Chris ekes out when he looks over. His eyes are filled with tears again, definitely not voluntarily. Mika can feel him trembling. The circles he traces start to fall in line with Chris' breathing.

"It's okay," he says it more to reassure himself than Chris at this point. "Give me a second here."

Mika parks the car and takes it slow, and without a word they gather their things. He hands the keys over, and waits until Chris makes eye contact again to let go.

"I'm really sorry."  
Mika takes note of the gingerness in the tone of voice, and squeezes Chris' hand. The expressive eyes he was used to were beyond bloodshot. He looked so tired, that was the only way Mika could think to describe it. 

"Don't be?" Mika poses it as more of a plea than a statement.

Chris unfurls his eyebrows at the sincerity, and lets himself out of the car.

The sidewalk hadn't been shoveled at all, Chris' landlord was away for the holiday. Taking the keys, he carefully picks out the ones that unlock his apartment, and places them back in Mika's hand.

"Unless you want to call a taxi, you can stay at my place for the night." Chris lets the offer breathe, as Mika kept his gift bag from falling into the dead grass.

"I can walk you inside." Mika compromises while walking up the stairs. He toils over what to say in his mind for a moment, watching his words before just blurting out: "But if I'm going to stay, we need to talk about whatever this is. Like, your problem. What the fuck man? I'm really worried about you, none of that was normal."

He kind of wants to take it all back immediately, when the silence is even half a second longer than Mika expected.  
Chris keeps making his way up the stairs until they're face to face again. His eyes dart through the features of Mika's face. Mika notes the glimmer on his wet cheeks from the street lamps. 

"We can talk, too. I think I owe you that."

Mika's family wasn't flying in until late on Christmas Day, so he didnt mind spending the night here. They were staying until the Winter Classic, so there was more than enough time to spend with them. There were definitely worse places to spend Christmas Eve on a whim. Chris had an apartment you can tell a professional designer put their mark on. Most NHL guys did, but here it was more lived in than most. You could also tell that he went to IKEA and built like, three more shelves for all his books.

12:19, the stove blinks.

Chris sat at a stool while Mika ran the Keurig through for clean water. The TV was on in the far side of the apartment, some movie Mika couldnt make out. Chris sat with his head in his hands, having downed a half empty water bottle from the counter as soon as they stepped into the kitchen.

"You're gonna see me cry for real when this headache hits, that'll be good." Chris said dryly to himself.  
They were both exhausted. Maybe more emotionally than physically for Mika, and vice versa for Chris is what he figured. Maybe both.

The machine finishes spitting out the water. Mika turns to dunk the bag into the mug and place it quietly infront of Chris.

"Thank you babe." Chris said without hesitation.

Mika was used to getting that reply jokingly, after handing Chris his Passion Tea Lemonade and Mystery Muffin of the day before practice. This time though, it felt different.  
Mika hummed in reply, turning swiftly to make himself a cup of coffee. Mostly though, to hide the warmth flooding to his ears.

They settle in at the island, each with a mug emblazened with something touristy for a city with an NHL team.

"I really don't think I'm well, y'know?" Chris lets that sit for a second, as Mika patiently watches the wheels turn in his head. He goes through the timeline to try and catch Mika up to speed. It'd been a few months, which almost made him angry Chris hadn't told him sooner.

"I've been to the training staff, now they said they thought it was pneumonia. That was more than two weeks ago."  
Chris breathes sharply out of his nose and takes a slow sip of his tea. He all but says 'bleh' before stirring in some more honey.  
"I was been doing what they said, and taking what they gave me. Doses ran out, but I don't think it did shit for me anyways. I went back, they said finish out the dosage and they'd reevaluate after break. Every few days this has been my life. It's fucking excruciating."

The end came venomously, like he was placing the fault on his body for not being up to speed with getting better. Mika nursed his coffee, transfixed on Chris anxiously playing with his spoon.

"Why did you even come out tonight? No one would to throw you under the bus for it, you've earned enough respect for that much." Mika asks.  
Chris snorts for a second at the respect bit, and takes another swig.

"Well, to avoid something like this mostly." Chris laughs into the mug, staring down at it like it held some secret. "Got caught up in the stupid hockey macho man shit, I just figured it would... go away?"

Chris fiddled with the latch on his watch, sticking his tongue out a little until it popped off his wrist.

"I'm still kind of hoping that, I don't want to be somebody's problem." Chris frowned, taking a moments pause.

"You're not a problem. I'm in your kitchen past midnight on Christmas making sure you're not dying because I care about you. I love you man." Mika's mouth goes dry, suddenly feeling small..

"Thanks Mika." Chris says, brotherly.

Not how Mika meant it, but this wasn't really about him. His coffee disappeared in an uncomfortable last gulp, feeling Chris' eyes on him.

Something must click, because Chris makes this "oh" noise, before standing to take Mika's mug to the sink.

"I'm lucky, you saved my ass tonight. I was honestly just going to sit there and get high with Kevin. College all over again. And I usually _don't _trust the shit he brings around anymore, for your information." Chris turned off the faucet, moving over to frame an arm around Mika's shoulders. Mika laughs to himself about the idea of his college days being this wild time.  
"I'll tell you about that another day. Tonight though, it wasn't the brightest idea when I can't breathe to begin with."

They both giggle, the beginning of the night a lifetime away from this moment.

"Yeah old man, probably not." Mika chirps.

Chris does the one arm hug squeeze, but puts his head down on Mika afterward. Either he was oblivious, or pitying Mika for scaring the shit out of him earlier. 

"My guest bedroom is full of gear and shit." Chris mumbled, turning more into Mika's shoulder. "And if I had to guess, I'll be up a few times during the night. Not that I'm not offering, but you probably don't want to sleep with me. Is the couch good?"

Mika lifts his hand up blindly, patting somewhere between Chris' neck and jawline. Damn him for making a good point.

"That's fine. Blanket for the couch though?" Mika concedes.

"Yeah, yep." Chris lets go, pretending like he wasn't just falling asleep right there.

"It's up here," Chris leads Mika up the dim staircase to the hall closet. "And so is this, apparently."

Swinging the door open, the plastic ball of mistletoe hanging from a nail came into clear sight. Chris almost hits his head on it, ducking in to grab a blanket. 

Mika waits patiently, staring at the ball. He couldn't imagine Chris putting it there himself. Must've been his sister, but it was still a cute touch. Chris turns back around, with a perfectly folded quilt tucked under his arm. 

Closing the gap between them, Chris placed his free hand against on Mika's jaw and pressed an even lighter kiss to his lips. It's bitter tasting, the way tea always was, and surprising in a million other ways.  
When Mika opens his eyes, Chris was still, making sure that wasn't the wrong move. Pulling back, he turns slightly to fold up the blanket more. He slides the blanket easily between Mika's bicep and side.

"I love you too. Hope that blanket is good enough?" Chris' entire face crinkling into a smile was evident even in the darkness.

Beyond flustered, Mika tries to hide the smile through his voice.  
"Perfect, thanks."

"Okay," Chris says, nudging Mika with his elbow. "Thanks again for everything. Help yourself if I have anything in the cabinets. I'm gonna go sleep like shit."  
It's tinged with exhaustion, but Mika doesn't mind. He pivots down the hall, without a look back and Mika heads down the stairs again.

When he settles onto the couch with the blanket, TV remote and clothes set aside, he's wired. The whole interaction plays back in Mika's head, maybe 16 times before he forces himself to try and sleep. He can't wrap his head around any of it. In an undershirt and boxers on Chris Kreider's couch, its not the circumstances he imagined either.  
Mika laughs to himself out of embarrassment at that, but it'll all have to wait. The last thing he remembers seeing is a couple under the mistletoe, from whatever Hallmark movie Chris had left on when they came in.

They don't really talk about it the next morning. Chris is up at an ungodly hour, just staying up after waking up at 4:30.

"I honestly forgot you were still here.", are the first words out of his mouth when he almost sits on Mika at 6. It was a long enough couch that they both fit comfortably, but Chris' presence wakes Mika up anyway.  
The fluff of his hair at a million different angles and BC sweatshirt were unfortunately, still charming. Even with the lingering cough plaguing him, and stubble growing in unevenly, and the ignoring 'whatever yesterday was' thing.  
They sit together comfortably, watching the local news, commenting on whatever caught their eye.

"How the weather is getting even colder this week is beyond me." Chris said in disbelief.

'The perfect weather for the Rangers and Sabres at Citi Field on New Years Day!'

"You're like a furnace anyway, just zip up your coat for once." Mika ignores the TV's mention of them, and earns Chris tossing a pillow at his head. Mika is sugary at how natural this is.

Chris offers Mika breakfast but he figures it's probably better to get his own house ready for his family.

In the bathroom mirror, Mika washes his face with cold water before putting on his same clothes from yesterday. He pats himself down for his phone, finding it at 11% battery in his back pocket. The bunch of notifications were ones he could afford to ignore, except Zucc who gets the middle finger emoji for asking if they used protection. In any other context, it'd be pretty funny, but Mika won't let him know that.

He calls the Uber to take him to his apartment, and walks out to say goodbye. It's mostly nothing, more thank you's and a hug filled with bro-ey back pats. Right before he's out the door, Mika stops himself and waits for Chris to shut the fridge.

"Merry Christmas. Call me if you need anything, seriously. Take care of yourself." Mika's appeal is met with a goofy smile.

"Okay _mom._"Chris sticks his tongue out, and Mika shakes his head in joking disapproval. "See you later."

He didn't end up calling. Mika wasn't shocked.  
What he didn't anticipate was the first game back, Chris was with the trainers for hours before the game. Word around the room was that no one saw him either, until he popped up in full gear, quickly on the ice for warm ups. It's an NBC game, so Mika gets wrapped up in an interview with Pierre McGuire. It was like fate was trying him or something. Technical difficulties keep him long, and he has to start his warm ups or else there wont be time to do anything. Kreids leaves the ice early.

When Mac reads through the lineup, Mika just keeps his head down. They weren't on the same line tonight, always a few too many guys on the bench between them. 

Chris leaves after the first period, word floats through the locker room that he was on his way to the hospital. Fuck.  
Mika wants to call as soon as the game ends, until Zucc talks him out of it, before he "got an answering machine anyway."

_Let the guys know when it's okay to visit. Miss you already 💪_

He's trying to decide if that sounded too needy, or if things had actually gotten too weird to say something like that to Chris. His mind finally figures that it isn't anything, it was just the truth. 

The hammer drops just a few hours later. Blood Clot. It's kind of gutting, and makes Mika's head spin.  
He turns off his phone.

Mika's phone rings after the family skate at Citi Field. It's not what he was expecting after days of radio silence, but it seemed like a very Chris thing to do. Perfect timing entirely by accident.

"Full of surprises huh?" Mikas reception is a little muffled in the dugout tunnel, but he hears Chris' snort crystal clear.

"That's all I'm good for, surprises and blood clots apparently." Chris sighed wistfully.

"Could be worse?"

"It was pretty bad, Mika. If all the nurses were like you, I don't know if there'd be any optimism left for me." The smile was evident in Chris' tone.

It was dry, but Mika rolled his eyes at the joke anyway.

"Sorry the nurses couldn't be as handsome too. You're still at the hospital?"

"Don't make me laugh, it actually really hurts." Chris trailed off, letting Mika squeak in a 'sorry' before continuing. "I'm at home until Friday, on a shit ton of medication. Going to the hospital for more evaluation and staying through the weekend. Then I'm under the knife on Sunday."

They both knew that in their calendars, January 1st was circled in red. Two days away.  
Mika asks the obvious question.

"So.. what are you thinking about doing between now and then?" 

"Sleep, mostly?" Chris sounds almost confused when he answers.

"You're not coming?" Mika tries not to sound hurt.

"Coming to.." Chris must literally hit the phone against his head when he realizes. "Fuck, the outdoor game? I'm sorry, whatever they have me on I am so out of it."

He botches the pronunciation of whatever the medications are, obviously trying to read it off the box. Mika tries not to laugh, but wipes his free hand fully over his face. 

"Fucking clown," Mika makes himself laugh at that, and Chris coughs something fierce on the other end. "Don't even worry about it Kreids, as long as you're getting better, I'll see you around I'm sure."

"Do you even want me there?" Its weak and earnest from Chris. Again, he catches Mika off guard. "I'd still be pretty fucked up, but it didn't even cross my mind."

There's a comfortable silence, the music the stadium is pumping entering Mika's consciousness.

"Of course we want you here. Are you serious?" Mika doesn't hesitate to show his eagerness. "If you're up to it, I don't see why not."

"Oh. I'll think about it. I'll think about it!" Chris says, sounding like he's trying to convince himself.

That was enough for Mika though. He walked out of the tunnel, taking a seat on the bench in the dugout. Clicking his skates together absentmindedly, he made small talk about New Years plans with his family. It was clear that Chris was tired though.

"I'll let you go Kreids. Let me know what you think." Mika stands to go back to the rink.

"Will do." Chris mumbles.

"AV is probably going to visit you later by the way. I got the idea from him." Half of that was true, but better for Mika to warn him before Chris was ambushed by that asshole.

"Gross." Chris groaned. "Thanks Mika."

"Keep in touch Kreids."

Chris does text him, some celebration emojis after the ball drops on New Years Eve. The quote coach gives to the press is that he "expects" to see Chris there. Between drinks, Mika texts him back;

_See yo utomorrow?_

And doesn't get a reply. It's late anyway. He'll find out soon enough.

The game is a whirlwind, and ends up being the real peak of the season. It was electric, unbelievably exciting to play in a stadium like that. Reminded Mika of going to soccer in the summers, except he was the guy being watched intently from thousands up in the nosebleeds. They win, most importantly. 

Mika couldn't even tell if Chris was there, and doesn't turn his phone on until he meets up with his brother and parents afterward. Was he expecting him in the locker room after they won? Maybe. That was beside the point though. It was nice to enjoy this for what it was.

The official word the press gets on why Chris didn't show up, is that he didn't want to be a distraction. AV's words again.

"Are you fucking kidding?" Mika says under his breath while reading the headline on his phone. Seeing it phrased like that hurts, after trying to sell how nice it would be to see him. It was a pretty "hockey" answer by all other standards.

Sitting in his inbox, is a DM from Chris. Watching the game with his parents in his apartment. Everything was the same from the other day. Everything except the coffee table. It had a huge pharmacy bag on it, topped with a pair of 2018 New Years glasses. On the screen, it's Mika about to take a face off. 

'Got grounded. Atleast there are some pretty sexy nurses on the TV.'  
Wink emoji.

Mika laughs, not caring that his brother is staring now. That same fondness filled his chest again, that Chris feeling.  
He had a funny feeling, that things would work themselves out just fine.

**Author's Note:**

> ohhhhhhhh my god.. oh my god?  
i wasn't going to let myself post this until i had ALL of it done, even if 2 chapters sounded really appealing.  
okay i meant to have this up atleast a few days ago, but i really Really started working on this last december? i had to finish it.
> 
> this wasn't beta'd or anything, big ass shoutout to wordcounter dot net for being the MVP.  
comments are appreciated!! ♥


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